The Phrases shared by A Parent Which Saved Me as a First-Time Dad

"I believe I was just trying to survive for the first year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of becoming a dad.

But the reality quickly became "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Severe health complications surrounding the birth caused his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their infant son Leo.

"I took on each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After nearly a year he became exhausted. That was when a conversation with his own dad, on a park bench, that helped him see he needed help.

The direct statement "You are not in a healthy space. You need assistance. In what way can I help you?" opened the door for Ryan to express himself truthfully, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While society is now better used to discussing the stress on mothers and about post-natal depression, less is said about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his struggles are part of a broader reluctance to talk amongst men, who continue to hold onto harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a sign of failure to request help. I didn't do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert specialising in mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're having a hard time.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly ahead of a mum and baby - but she stresses their mental state is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's conversation with his dad offered him the opportunity to take a respite - going on a short trip away, outside of the domestic setting, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he required a change to consider his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now writing Leo regular notes about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he matures.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the expression of emotion and understand his parenting choices.

The notion of "parenting yourself" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

During his childhood Stephen did not have reliable male parenting. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing difficult experiences meant his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings resulted in him make "poor decisions" when in his youth to change how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the anguish.

"You find your way to behaviours that are harmful," he explains. "They can briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Advice for Coping as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you feel under pressure, speak to a friend, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like you before having a baby. Examples include exercising, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, resting, all are important in how your emotional health is doing.
• Connect with other new dads - sharing their journeys, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that seeking help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can support your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the loss, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead give the stability and nurturing he missed out on.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - managing the emotions in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they acknowledged their issues, altered how they communicate, and taught themselves to regulate themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and dealing with things," explains Stephen.

"I put that down in a message to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, sometimes I feel like my role is to teach and advise you how to behave, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning an equal amount as you are through this experience."